Shingeki no Gone
by theangelstookmerlin
Summary: Sam Temple, the coolest kid around, is chilling on his houseboat when BAM! A Titan appears! For Fujoshisama and the Gone Summer Gift Exchange. Sorry this sucks. Basically, it's a dumb parody of a Gone/Attack on Titan crossover.


Sam was sitting on the deck of his houseboat, overlooking the scene before him. There were kids working in the fields, others seeing if they can find fish in the lake, and some littles playing hide and go seek among the piles of bodies that Gaia had left behind after her tirade on the house boat community. It was a sight that should be on a painting.

Suddenly there was a flash of light, almost light a lightning strike. But it was obviously not a lightning strike. They did not have any clouds or weather of any sort in the FAYZ. Sam perked up a little. Perhaps it was a kid with a new power! He nodded approvingly. Lightning and weather were definitely good powers to have. If he had the power to make weather, he would make a cloud follow Drake everywhere. Wouldn't that be hilarious? Sam chuckled to himself. He was so good at thinking of clever pranks. Too bad he could only make useless, dumb little lights come out of his hands.

Screaming turned Sam's attention back to the situation at hand. The lightning. And the earthquake. Sam ran to the edge of his boat and looked out into the distance. There was something large moving far off where the fields were, moving toward the lake at top speed. Curious, and a bit fearful, Sam walked off his boat onto the land so that he was five feet closer to the thing. Yes, he could see much better from this distance. What Sam saw surprised him.

"Is that a giant cabbage patch kid?" Sam exclaimed. How odd. Somebody had the power to turn themselves into a giant cabbage patch kid. What a lame power. He did not want to associate with whatever loser could do that. It would definitely damage his reputation.

Suddenly Jack and Brianna were beside him. "That's not cabbage patch kid, Sam." Brianna said gravely. Jack nodded as if he knew what it was and how dire the situation was as well. "That...is a Titan."

Sam's eyes grew wide. "Oh my god...like a Teen Titan?"

"No, Sam," Jack's sigh was so deep that Sam feared his lungs would come out. "A Titan is a creature that only eats humans and nothing else. They don't sleep, drink, or even need to eat us. They can live without food, but they eat humans anyway. And they don't have genitals so they can't reproduce."

Sam's heart hurt. Those poor Titans, unable to have sex. He would not want to live in a world where he could not have sex. "Poor Titans... We should help them, put them out of their misery." He looked at Jack to see if he would agree with Sam, when he realized that Jack knew a lot of information about these mysterious Titans. "Wait...how do you know so much about them?"

Jack adjusted his glasses, which whited out the lenses in a very anime like way. Sam was impressed. This kid was good. "Well, Sam, I watch a lot of anime." That made sense. Jack was a nerd, and this was the only time in his life that he would ever be useful. Nerds were never useful.

"So...how do we stop it?" Brianna asked.

Before Jack could speak, Sam raised his hand. "You guys, I've got this. We sing to it, obviously. And if that fails, I can just shoot it with my laser hands!" He shot out to prove to them that they had laser hands, hitting one of the dead bodies as he did so, and scaring a Little. He looked at the child in surprise. Sam had no idea that any of them were even still alive. As Sam was staring at the kid in shock, Astrid came up behind him.

"Let's blow that motherfucker up." She hissed, staring at the thing. Sam jumped and turned to look at his girlfriend, who had just came back from living in the woods. Her hair was unevenly cut from a knife, and her eyes had circles under them so dark that it looked like she had smeared coal all over. Her arms were abnormally buff, her teeth were chipped, and there was a menacing scar just over her eye, like that guy on Lion King. Sam liked to play lions when they were in the houseboat together. But that wasn't even the worst part. She had hair _everywhere_ and a lot of it. She was never like this before the woods.

Astrid Ellison had changed.

And yet...Sam had to agree with her when it came to blowing up the titan. They had been creating bombs of all sort to attack Caine's followers with, and even some nuclear ones. Then Jack shook his head. "No, that wouldn't work. You have to cut the back of the neck."

Sam nodded. "OK. So all we have to do is have somebody cut the back of it's neck. Easy! But we're going to need a distraction." Maybe he would finally be able to perform Bop to the Top in front of everybody! He had been working very hard on it after all.

Jack nodded. "Yes, yes. Any ideas?"

"YES!" Sam practically screamed with joy. This was his chance! "We could-"

"Have somebody toss a bomb at it to distract it while either me or Dekka kill it." Brianna joined in, already forming a battle plan in her head. Jack nodded in agreement, and Astrid got a crazy grin on her face. She giggled and whispered, "Kaboom."

"W-well, that would be fun and all, but I was thinking that sing-" Sam began to say when he was once again rudely interrupted.

"That's great and all Sam," Jack said. "But titans don't understand our language or music, and you aren't the best singer. Actually, you're a really shitty singer. I would rather die than have to listen to you sing a whole song to a titan in order to distract it. So, unless you want to join the actual fighting team, leave."

Sam stared at Jack, tears welling in his eyes. Jack stared back, an uncaring look on his face. How dare he think that Sam was a bad singer? Sam was the best singer there was! He waited a few moments for Astrid or Brianna to deck Jack, but it never happened. They just stood there awkwardly, avoiding Sam's gaze.

"So. I guess you don't need me then." Sam turned and ran off, sobbing. He ran and ran, until he was in a field somewhere between the rapidly approaching titan and the lake, meaning he really did not run far. He could still see his three so-called friends only 100 feet away from him. He glared at them. They ignored him. Sam cried. How dare they ignore the great Sam Temple? Not only was he the best fighter, he was also the best singer in the entire FAYZ! Even The Siren couldn't match the beauty of his voice.

He stomped angrily, and turned to this titan. If nobody was going to do a proper job of distracting it, then he would. He ran at it, making sure to spin and pause dramatically as he went.

_"Everybody's always talking at me_  
_Everybody's trying to get in my head_  
_I wanna listen to my own heart talking_  
_I need to count on myself instead_

_Did you ever_  
_Lose yourself to get what you want?_  
_Did you ever_  
_Get on a ride, then wanna get off?_

_Did you ever push away the ones_  
_You should've held close?_  
_Did you ever let go?_  
_Did you ever not know?_

_I'm not gonna stop, that's who I am_  
_I'll give it all I got, that is my plan_  
_Will I find what I lost? You know you can_  
_Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it, bet on it_  
_(Bet on me)"_

The Titan suddenly stopped it's rampaging just a few feet before Sam and stared at him. Sam knew what it was thinking. It loved Sam's singing voice, and it loved High School Musical. It must have stopped for more! Tears welled in Sam's eyes as he began to sing again. Here he was just singing about his feelings using High School Musical lyrics, and a person -well, titan- loved it so much that it just had to stop it the midst of it's own chaos and listen for a few moments. Sam was so proud of himself that he gave himself a mental high five. _Five for you Sam Temple, you go Sam Temple,_ he thought with a grin._  
_

_"I wanna make it right, that is the way_  
_To turn my life around, today is the day_  
_Am I the type of guy who means what I say?_  
_Bet on it, bet on it, bet on-"_

Suddenly Sam's private concert was rudely interrupted by it's only attendee. The Titan was on it's knees, hand covering its ears - or the place where there should be ears - screeching. It was a horrible sound that made Sam want to do the same exact thing. But he was a hero, and he would never fall to his knees for anybody, except for maybe Astrid, but definitely not for this Titan! So he kept on singing and singing, but the screeching overpowered the sound of his voice. And as he kept singing and the Titan kept screeching, Sam became more annoyed and eventually anger.

What a bitch! How dare this Titan interrupt the legendary Sam Temple in the middle of his solo! How _dare_ this Titan commit such a felony! Only felons committed felonies, and if this Titan was committing a felony, then it must me a felon! And there was only one way to deal with felons in the FAYZ.

Sam cracked his knuckles and marched angrily up to the Titan. It was tall. Like, really tall. Even taller than Orc, which was saying something because Orc was really tall. And uglier than him too. But Sam would not back down, no matter how horrendous this creature from a nerd comic looked.

"Hey!" He shouted angrily, sticking out his hand threateningly. "Shut up!"

The Titan continued screeching in response. What was it trying to do? Call it's babies to it?

"Hey!" Sam shouted again, waving his arm around dangerously. "I said, shut up, or I'll get you!" And yet, the Titan would not shut up.


End file.
